Gajeel Redfox Will Not Love Me
by IceBlueWings
Summary: Takes place in an AU in which dragons invade from the Eclipse Gates and the guild is unable to stop them. Written from Levy's first person POV (so I use 'I', 'me', 'myself'), it is about her feelings for Gajeel. This is a tragic story with angst as well as Levy's self-loathing to some extent. So for those who are put off/do not accept these stories, it's best not to read this.


**Notes: **I'm lazy and I write spur of the moment stories. I don't know why I write angst and tragic stories, really. I should really write happy one-shots. It's okay, I know I'm horrible for writing this, harharhar. This is written with Levy in first person POV, so that means you'll be reading it as if you're in Levy's shoes. This is also the AU where the dragons appear after the Eclipse Gates are opened and we see Future Levy writing in the journal.

I know there are people who do not enjoy reading first person point of views, so if you're one of them then I'm sorry I spoiled the story for you.

* * *

><p><span><strong>Gajeel Redfox Will Not Love Me<strong>

Deep inside, Jet and Droy could not forgive Gajeel Redfox.

That is why Gajeel Redfox will not love me.

No matter how many times I beg for him to reciprocate or for my feelings to leave—while I'm reading a book, or taking a bath, or eating my meals and of course, standing right in front of Gajeel—nothing happened and it was so embarrassing I could die from it.

It must sound like a joke, how strong my feelings are for him.

Deep inside, I was so guilty for having these feelings for Gajeel.

That is why Gajeel Redfox will not love me.

Gajeel Redfox turned over a new leaf. I knew he was just misguided. He was brought up with care and love but he also ended up with the wrong crowd. So I was lucky to have been with Fairy Tail from the beginning…and he knew it.

Even though we were quite friendly with time that was all it ever amounted to.

That is why Gajeel Redfox will not love me.

But there was something between us that made our relationship complicated. Maybe I was thinking too much about it but I felt it striking. I didn't regret our night together. We aren't even in a romantic relationship but we had sex. At first it was just one night.

Then it increased to two. Three. Four. Five.

Ten nights.

I stopped counting because it started to feel…normal.

I always thought sex would be shared between two people mutually in love. But in this case, I learned that I could have sex with someone I love and the other person didn't have to love me in return.

Ridiculously I told myself that maybe he does love me because the first few nights when we started having sex, he told me how beautiful my skin is. Was it because I had some scars that he inflicted on me? Or was it because he has more scars than I would ever have?

Or was he just showering sugary words to ease my anxiety and guilt as we sleep together?

You are horrible, Gajeel. I wish you stopped playing with my feelings like this. Surely you know how I feel because I would so willingly share this relationship with you while we are just good friends.

You are horrible, Levy McGarden, for letting yourself be swept by this distressful flow of events, lying to yourself about your imaginary connection with him. For letting yourself get angry silently. For letting yourself feel frustrated when he wasn't around to use you.

I wonder if you thought something similar, Gajeel. Perhaps that is another reason why Gajeel Redfox will not love me.

I want to cry but I end up laughing. I want to scream but I end up smiling. I want to forget and throw away my feelings, rip it out from my heart and mind, drown it in a pool of tears and dunk it in a trash can which I will never come back to because it's meant to be burned like the rest of the burnable trash we throw every day.

But I know the reason why I can feel so strongly about getting rid of my feelings is because I can feel just as strongly, if not more, about keeping them.

I mean, Gajeel would run to me the moment he would hear a bit of news about my injuries, looking so concerned. How could I refrain from thinking of the chance that he might love me too?

Or is that behaviour just because I've taken his place as a tool for pleasure?

I shouldn't be so cynical. Gajeel's true personality is kinder than what I have been thinking. I am just being mean because I love him. I am just being mean because I'm angry at myself more than I could be angry at him. I knew that I would hurt myself by thinking badly about him because if I hurt myself then it felt as if he was giving me something.

I am so pathetic. Yes, I am so pathetic. I get angry and then I don't. Some days I love myself more but on most days I don't love me at all. The truth is I love him more than I could love myself. I wonder if I love him more than the guild and my friends. I can't understand my feelings right now.

"How's tonight?" Gajeel asked as we ate our lunch before we each had our missions. _How's tonight for sex? _

"What if…I said no?" I asked him.

"Oh, 'kay." He said.

I laughed dismissively. "I was just joking. Tonight's…good. Tonight's good, Gajeel."

"Don't force yourself, shrimp. There are nights when we want to be alone." He said knowingly.

As if on reflex, I shook my head. "No!" I said, louder than I meant to and surprised him. He looked at me with curiosity and mild surprise. "Sorry, I mean no, I wasn't forcing myself and I don't want to be alone tonight. I feel a little uneasy, so tonight's not a good night to be alone." I said, lying about feeling uneasy. I always was uneasy because I was scared Gajeel would just stop paying attention to me if I ever showed any signs of rejection.

Surprisingly, my lie became true even though it started to turn bad a week after. I was scared. It happened just as the Grand Magic Games were about to end. I thought we could have returned to normal days after returning from Tenroujima. I thought everyone who participated in the Games would not encounter any trouble after the Games were over, but…

But the dragons appeared.

It all went downhill from there. There was no point running off to a land far away when dragons have already traveled and created destruction everywhere. I had imagined there would be a group of dragons who were kind enough to spare our lives—there were three good people in our guild who were brought up by dragons, after all. Then again, they were brought up to be dragon slayers.

I was frightened. Droy pushed me out of the way of an attack, taking the hit for himself and his final words to me were, "Save yourself!"

Not long after, Jet followed after Droy when he ran towards a dragon in a fit of anger and attacked it, triggering a string of blasts from the dragon and instantly ridding Jet from this world. I cried and cried. I ran and ran away as far as I could. Too full of sadness and nearly feeling apathetic towards living in this hellhole, I was about to give up when Gajeel grabbed me from the side.

"Natsu, Wendy, Juvia, Gray—they're all out there! We'll do something! We'll make it out of this, trust us!" He yelled over the chaos. Being dragged helplessly by Gajeel, I couldn't do anything other than scream my sadness with overflowing tears. This was the first time I ever cried this way. This would be what I hoped would be the final time I would have to feel this way.

"Gajeel!" I sobbed out, speechless otherwise. "Gajeel! Gajeel!"

He managed to find a cave created by the walls of destroyed buildings and sat me down on the ground. "I'm here." He said. A pause followed as he started to wipe my flowing tears. "Lily's missing." He spoke softly as he looked everywhere but into my eyes. I stared at Gajeel, tears ceasing to flow in surprise.

"Wh-What about Natsu? H-Happy…?" I asked him. He shrugged. "Lucy?"

"I last saw her with Natsu." Gajeel sighed. "Tell you the truth, I defeated one dragon—that took hell of a lot as much as I hated it—and ran to find you. I'm glad I made it in time."

I punched him with little strength and shook my head vehemently. "Jet and Droy…I saw them die right in front of me." I trembled, voice quivering. "The other guild members, they died fighting too."

"Fairy Tail does not lose without a fight." I choked out. My tears started to flow again and I clenched my fists. "But this isn't supposed to be! It's not fair! This…I don't want to try anymore." Gajeel narrowed his eyes at me. I didn't care if he was angry at me. I didn't care if giving up meant parting with Gajeel now.

Gajeel grinned cheekily. "Sorry but I'm going to stop you from doing that. I don't care if you hate me forever. I won't waste my time thinking about how much you hate me." He laughed.

That would be impossible. To hate you, Gajeel, that's impossible.

I stood up. "I'm going to fight." I said, ignoring his words.

"If you go…" He looked thoughtful. "I'll do everything to keep you alive. Even if I lose my life protecting you." He said easily.

My eyes widened as I stared at him incredulously. "That's unfair." I said. "Unfair!" I yelled. "You're the worst. You know I can't let that happen." I sobbed. "You're one of our only chances to save this world."

Gajeel stood up. "If you believe that then why aren't you making sure it happens instead?!" He yelled this time, making me jolt as he loomed over me, his eyes glistening with a scary crimson.

I was speechless and frightened by his anger but eventually regained my dignity. "I'm not going to deal with your cockiness right now!" I shouted.

Gajeel scoffed. "Then make sure you tell that to me when we're through with this chaos."

I took a deep breath. "I can't believe it," I mumbled in embarrassment. "That you're telling _me_ to protect you instead."

Gajeel grinned and let out his trademark laugh before his expression turned serious again. "If you protect me, then it means you're staying alive. That's all that matters to me." He said, although he didn't lack any gentleness.

I blinked at him. He's been surprising me too much in these last few moments. I looked at him with equal seriousness. "Then you have to promise me you will protect me too." I said.

Gajeel smiled. "That had always been the plan." He said.

* * *

><p>"You're…full of scars, huh?" Gajeel asked me while we rest in a secluded area, hopefully safe from the dragons. There were too many. Juvia was gone and Gray before her, dying by protecting her from a dragon's beam. Wendy was lost and the situation left us pessimistic. Even so, Natsu and Lucy had left to find survivors in the vicinity. Gajeel and I stayed in our shelter.<p>

I shrugged at his words. "We can't help it. These scars...I'm glad I have them. I'd rather carry something prominent with me in memory of our friends." I said, rubbing a recent scar on my shoulder.

Gajeel replaced my hand with his, gently stroking my scarred skin. "The pain and sadness you have in your heart is prominent enough." He said. He placed his lips on the scar lightly. "But these scars are proof that you're living."

I smiled at him when Lucy returned in panic and distress, collapsing onto her knees. "We have to get out of here! N-Natsu…" She sobbed. "Natsu!" She cried, burying her face in her hands.

"No!" I stood up in shock. Gajeel narrowed his eyes, his hand squeezing my shoulder gently and making me look at him. I nodded. "Lucy, let's go. We're not safe." I said, pulling her up on her feet. She was a sobbing mess and before I knew it, I was crying too. It was just us four and now even Natsu's gone. The sounds of dragons grew louder and louder.

"Run!" Gajeel yelled. As if his voice was a switch, Lucy and I ran away from the shelter and to somewhere safe. I heard Gajeel's feet behind us but once Lucy and I reached a safer area, I looked behind me to see no one.

It took a while before Gajeel returned to our side, having new injuries as a result of the ambush. "Are you okay?" I asked him in concern as I treated him with what little ointments and bandages we had.

"Don't worry about me. I made a promise, right?" He said with a weak smile. I grasped his hand and held it tightly, unable to stop myself from crying. "Natsu's gone, huh…must have lost his temper and ran right into the frontlines, that asshole." He said.

I sobbed softly. "What do we do, Gajeel?" I asked helplessly.

He took a short breath. "Check on Lucy. She must be taking it harder than us." He said, closing his eyes. I watched over him for a few seconds, afraid that he'd suddenly take his last breath. My fears were eased a little with his constant breathing and I walked towards Lucy. She looked terribly distraught and shaken by the turn of events.

"Lucy…" I called out to her, placing my hand on her shoulder.

She looked at me and then at the sleeping Gajeel. "He's okay, right?" She asked. I nodded. "Good, I wouldn't know what to do if we lost him too." She said. I bit my bottom lip. She was clearly affected by Natsu's death, yet I couldn't even offer words of consolation because we were grieving far too deeply to feel any consolation. "I think I have to return to the Eclipse Gate." She said.

"Wh-Why?!" I asked incredulously.

"I can go back in time and set things right. I can go back to before the Gate was opened and stop the dragons from appearing. We were all mistaken about the Gate and now look where we are. But the Gate might be the only way to change the future." She explained.

How and why she came to understand the use of the Gate was explained when Gajeel awoke in a better state.

"Alright." Gajeel said, hitting his fist against his palm. "Let's give this a try." He flashed an encouraging smile, his teeth sharp and menacing.

I was worried but I knew that at this rate, we'll be running forever. We're already down to three of us and the situation was still bleak. "Okay. I'll also do everything I can to support you, Lucy." I said, smiling.

Three days later, Lucy's plan enabled her to cross time and space to the past. "We'll be waiting, Lucy!" I yelled as she walked through the Gates.

* * *

><p>Lucy had yet to return and the situation was getting worse every minute.<p>

"Gajeel?!" I called out in fear. My line of sight darted left and right to find him. He soon appeared, bleeding profusely from different places that I couldn't tell which part of him was cut.

I ran towards him. "Gajeel!" I shouted out while his breaths were ragged. I tried to carry Gajeel to safety as fast as we could. "Just wait, I'll heal you!" I said, even though I have yet to master healing with Solid Script. I could have saved so many lives if I had. But I was still learning how to heal with my magic during the Grand Battle Games. The situation made my magic stronger but unfortunately healing was still a difficult spell to use. We arrived at a little house where the bedroom was still intact. I placed him on the bed and looked over his body. "Oh no…these injuries are horrible!" I said, seeing deep wounds that were darkened by his blood.

Gajeel laughed painfully. "You don't know how to use that spell yet." He said. I stared at him in despair.

"But…! But you promised!" I cried out, concentrating my magic. "I can do it! I've learned magic on the spur of the moment!" I said. Yet nothing appeared. The word 'heal' wouldn't appear simply because I wasn't up to that level yet. Maybe I am still too far to reaching that level of spell.

Gajeel wheezed. "…Yeah, I promised." He said, looking at her with an apologetic smile. "But hey, here I am." His breaths were still ragged and he looked to be in obvious pain. I shook my head, asking him not to speak until I healed him. "In the end, I'm breaking my promise." He closed his eyes. "I won't regret breaking my promise. I just…" He coughed out blood, scaring me. "I would rather have left when we saved the world."

I shook my head vigorously. "I don't want you to go! You're not supposed to leave until I say so!" I cried.

"Okay." Gajeel said, opening his eyes and looking straight at me. "I won't leave until you say so." He repeated my words. "But if you don't keep running," He wheezed for another countless time. "I won't be able to protect you." I cried on his chest. I didn't care if his blood marked my skin. It must be my fault that he was in this state anyway. I relied too much on him, like I always did. "You're strong." He said. "You just need to believe in yourself." He continued. "Promise me now that you'll be there to greet Lucy when she comes back." He coughed. "Promise me that you'll protect yourself."

I grabbed his weakened hand. His weak figure was a stark contrast to my memories of him. "We're supposed to greet her together! I still…I love you!" I screamed. "So…So we have to be together!"

Gajeel choked out a laugh, although it was mixed with harsh coughs, and smiled at me before closing his eyes for the final time with his hand going limp. I gasped, grabbing his hand tightly. "Gajeel!" I shouted. "Gajeel! Wait! I haven't…" I choked on my sobs, a lump in my throat constricting me along with my heart. "I haven't heard you say you love me too…" I cried helplessly. "I haven't told you that I accept those promises."

The future seemed darker than ever before. All alone, I only kept going because I made grand promises in my life. Hiding from danger was the most I could do and in the spur of the moment, I managed to learn how to heal myself. But this pain within me will remain forever unhealed.

And in the end, Gajeel Redfox will not love me.


End file.
